So the Big Surprise News of today is that The King's Speech is Kicking Major Nomination Ass with twelve count-em 12 nominations, just brutalizing stuff like The Social Network (eight - nice try), The Fighter (seven - really? seven? that's the best you can do idiot movie?) and True Grit (ten - double figures is respectable... I guess...). How come that happened? I'll tell you. It's because North Americans freaking love rich British people.
How come they couldn't love them, I say.
- They're smart. They just talk so good and the words sound like a teacher, and they say them so good, and they say every sound in each word and don't mush them together.
- They look so cool. Their pants almost always are the same colour as the up part of their clothes, the up-top coat (the top part of a Man Suit that's not the Butt Pants), and they wear hats and scarfs.
- They have a lot of responsibilities: Hitler, the Queen, being in charge of millions of Ugly Moms... this is not a guy smoking meth drugs in a Wal Mart, this is serious Talk Business here
- The rooms they in... man did you ever see a ceiling like that or this wall paper? You won't see any Bieber posters here man just rich ass stuff
- England is basically Narnia
Is it a bad movie though? Nah, of course not. It's just more on the nose than a special nose-jacket custom made to sit on your nose. It's the kind of movie that seems designed to get Oscar nominations.
It's good and all, ok, fine but kind of frightening news for those of us who've seen in the past couple years a willingness on the part of the Academy to kind-of a little bit get a tiny bit risky with their award-awarding. That riskiness is still there in some ways, reflected in nominations in the acting categories for Winter Bone's John Hawkes and Jennifer Lawrence… I guess, but that's kind of it. A bone is thrown to Black Swan, a couple to The Kids Are All Right, and the rest is straight standard.
The only good news is that the 'cad (that's the Academy btw, that's what I call them because I care about this stuff so much I had to make it up) has also shown a willingness to give the most nominations to big, old fashioned set-piece actor talent drama underdog weep-weep movies likeBenjamin Button, Dreamgirls and The Aviator and then flip the script and award best picture to movies like Slumdog Millionaire, The Departed andMillion Dollar Baby, so maybe it won't be the night of the Stuffy old Granny movie after all.
Will that happen? Mayprobablehaps. Stay tuned to our website because we know this dude named Mike the Greek that is like a shit-crazy Oscars odds handicapper and he'll be here soon to let y'all know who's gonna win what. Now if you'll excuseth me, I must by needs retire to recuse my British Windsor Queen in the Chancellor of the Exchequor Hitler Europe, Toddle Pip and Hup Hup and Stiff Lip et cetera, et cetera.